Life is Messy

Hello. How are you? Don’t just say good. That’s what everyone says. Don’t worry. I’m guilty of it too. I’m standing in the checkout line at Food Lion, holding my two bottles of 14 Hands Sauvignon Blanc and ice-cream sandwiches. I’m patient. I have had a long day and I can’t wait to go home and put some ice in my wine because I am too impatient to wait for it to chill in the freezer. I greet the checkout person with a “Hello, how are you?” She says, “I’m good, how are you?” I say, “I’m good, thanks”. None of what either of us said is true. She looked exhausted and over it. I probably did too. And yet we both say we are good. We lie. How many times a day, a week, a year do we tell that lie? We don’t think we are lying. We are being polite, not oversharing. We never think of it as inauthentic, or dishonest. What if I would have told her that I had a shit day? What if I told her that my rabbit, Flea, died and I needed at least a bottle of wine to help me fall asleep that night and I whole heartedly intended on eating at least half the box of ice cream sandwiches for dinner while catching up on the new season of Grey’s? What if we actually talked about how we were REALLY doing…….no matter how messy that may be?

Here is our reality: life is not always good. Life is messy. It is hard. Sometimes unbearably so. It is full of so much hurt and pain and sorrow. A life that is worth living, that is true and real, should rarely be good. A full life should be beautiful. It should be joyous, full of laughter, and love. It should also be sad. It should hurt. It should eat you up and spit you out at times. It should be everything in between all of the things. If you are going through life and not experiencing an extensive array of emotions, then you are not living properly. One minute I could be crying and then the next I will be rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off (ROFL…which I only learned about three months ago what that meant, #old) off from another TikTok video my wife just showed me.

There is one thing that I can promise you now. If anyone ever reads this, know that I promise to always show up as myself, no matter how vulnerable, awkward or weird that may be. It will not always be pretty, but it will be honest. In a world where we always have to be on and good, and okay, there needs to be room for more shameless, fierce honesty. If you are not looking for that, then I kindly invite you to move right along to something that better suites your fancy. This is not the place for you. I will show up. For myself. For others. For this world. Freely. Fiercely. Me.

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